Changes In Life Wednesday, Apr 18 2007 

Expand Your Mind lcvday 5:26 pm

Hello! I am back! I have been away from this blog for quite some time now busy giving birth to my son, James Ender Day. The experience has been strange, frightening, thrilling, humbling, gratifying, and almost every other emotion in between. In so many ways I feel as though my whole world has changed and the resultant alien feeling I have can be quite unsettling at times. Like missing a step going downstairs or the punched-in-your-gut feeling of a fast elevator ride it is as though the ground underneath my feet has fallen away and I feel that I am struggling to get back to some glimmer of normalcy.

I have been reading a book about Buddhism and how meditation can help in times like these. The book advises to stop struggling, to exist with that groundlessness and accept the nothingness into my brain with an open heart. In some ways this is unhelpful, but in others I feel comforted. It is nice to know that it is okay to feel broken. It is okay to feel raw and alone and totally venerable. It is where I am right now and I am existing in that place. It is nothing more and nothing less that feeling totally alien, totally weird in my skin, my life, my home.

I have been reminiscing a lot about another life change I went through many years ago. Becoming a woman is not as painful, but the fear is definitely there. Suddenly our body is no longer the comfortable child shape is was for so long. Our hormones too bring forth the alien like feeling that nothing is the same and everything is changing. Becoming a mother is the same experience but in a much more intense way.

So what do we do when faced with the unknown? What do we do when everything is different and it’s scary and bad and all you want to do is throw the covers over your head and wish it all away? Unfortunately the covers trick doesn‘t work anymore. Really nothing works anymore. The most we can do is take it day by day. Experience each change, each difference and see it only for what it is, not what it is not. Eventually, it may be weeks, or months, or years what once seemed weird and strange will be normal and where the ground once felt invisible, it is now back firmly underneath our feet.

Embrace change and we will grow together.

Leah Day

 

Overcoming Mental Barriers Monday, Dec 4 2006 

Expand Your Mind lcvday 7:03 pm

Mental barriers are blocks in our consciousness that stop us from achieving a certain goal. These barriers can stop us from trying a different hobby, starting a new job, calling that cute guy back, or even eating something unfamiliar on a restaurant menu. Why are we plagued with such a restraining mind? The answer might surprise you: it is mostly due to fear.

Fear causes us to restrict ourselves. We might not even consciously register that we are actually afraid of trying something new or different, but our body and mind are not fooled. New and different things present possible dangers to our mind. This response was very helpful when we all lived in caves and carried spears, but these days it really doesn’t help that our mind reacts this way. These reactions stop us from learning and growing and though the fear has the best intentions (keeping us from danger) it is not particularly helpful when it stops us from pursuing our dreams.

Counteracting fear based mental barriers starts with identifying them. We need to know we are limiting ourselves, say it out loud, and then actively tell our minds and bodies to get a grip. To identify a mental barrier think of a goal or an activity you have been wanting to do for a long time, but haven’t accomplished. For example, I have been wanting to make a sweater on my knitting machine for several months, I bought the yarn, I have the pattern, but I have not actually started the project.

Think about that activity you want to do. Grab a pen and paper and write down any thoughts that come to mind, especially the negative ones. When I thought about my knitting project I had these negative thoughts: it won’t fit, this will be a big waste of time, I’ll be unsatisfied with the final results. Some of these thoughts might actually come true and my mind is trying to save me from failure and disappointment. The flip side is that by not doing the project I am not learning anything. This mental barrier is not only limiting my desire to make the sweater, but it is stagnating my knowledge and growth with this hobby.

Now that we have identified a mental barrier, how do we fix it? Lets look back at that list of thoughts. Think about each worry and imagine youself doing that activity and the worst possible outcome happening. For me the worst possible outcome is I’ll spend 8 hours making a sweater that I won’t ever wear. Ask yourself a few questions about this terrible outcome:

- Can this situation really hurt me?
- What is so bad about this outcome?
- How will I deal with it if this bad outcome comes to pass?
- What will I gain from trying anyway?
- Does the potential gain outweigh the possible negative outcome?

These questions are designed to help you work with your mind to combat your fear. It may help to write it all out or even speak these questions and their answers aloud. Do not lie to yourself. Your mind will know if you mean it or not. Most of the time once you work through these questions you will realize that your fear is not based in reality and you are not losing anything by trying this new activity or change. The simple fact I found for my mental barrier was: how do I really know any of these thing will happen unless I actually try the project?

Now think about your activity again, but with the best possible outcome happening. My sweater would fit great and it would become my most favorite garment. Make your mind see the potential gain from pursuing this endeavor. One thing I like to do is to repeat to myself the following affirmations (fill in with your goals):

“I want to ______. I will pursue this ambition with my full heart in a simple, peaceful way. I am not afraid of failure. I am not afraid. I can achieve any ambition I set my mind to. I want to learn. Even if this doesn’t work out, I will learn from my mistakes and try again. Their is no failure, only missed opportunities.”

These affirmations really work! I know you may feel silly talking to yourself or reasoning through your thoughts that you would normally ignore, but what is more silly: trying to work through your mental barriers or letting them rule your life?

I challenge you to find just one activity you have avoided trying and do it today. Even if you fail, even if the worse possible outcome comes to pass, you will have strengthened your mind and body and taken the first steps on the path to a new life unhampered by fear.

Leah Day